Separation

I asked Jimmy last week for us to separate. It was so overdue for both of us. Neither of us have been happy for so many years but for many reasons we stayed together. No reason for me to describe what went wrong because it is beside the point.

We got the kids together and explained to them that Mom and Dad do not love each other anymore and it has nothing to do with them. We still love them the same and always will. They both said they felt scared (Kyra) and nauseous (Brandon) when we fought.

We did let them know that you should try not to stay for any reason with someone who you do not love anymore. We do not want them learn that the way we have our marriage is okay because it is not.

They both said they want to live with each of us and Nan and Pop. We explained what custody was and told them we were working on it. They know that I will be moving out at some point.

It seemed like they took it well. We did explained that we understand that new things might get scary but once it is not new anymore, they will be okay. They both gave different examples of understanding like "cold water in the pool".

We did tell them to talk to anyone who they were comfortable with if they wanted to, we did not want them to feel it was taboo and they had to hold it inside. I told Jimmy we needed to talk to his parents, he said he was not ready yet. I told him the next day and he said that Brandon had already told them. I wish it was us who had conversation with them but I am glad Brandon was comfortable enough to talk to them.

We thought kids needed some extra attention so the next day Jimmy took off half of day of work and I came earlier and we took the kids to play Arcade to Adventure Sports. I usually do not like those things but I even had fun on my own when I beat both boys in throwing a ball to hit the clowns to get points. I beat Jimmy by 10. I was so excited :) It is funny.

We drove to Chocolate World to take a new ride and had lunch there. Later boys went to baseball practice and we met them at Twin Kiss for supper and milkshakes. It was a good day even though we knew why it had to be.

On the way home from Twin Kiss Kyra asked me if I would have another boy. I said nobody knew the future and may be I would and may be I would not. Same for her Dad - may be he would get a new girl, may be he would not.

- So, will I have two Moms and two Dads?
- No, you will have just one Mom and one Dad. No one will replace us as parents.
- So, will I have Stepmom and Stepdad?
- Who knows, may be.

She was content to hear that and even smiled and then said:
- But if you will have a new boy, can I meet him?
- If I do, you, of course, will meet him.

I love her to death!